I'm sitting here with a glass of wine after trying to calm my thoughts enough to fall asleep. Eventually I realized there was too much on my mind and gave up...so I'm typing out my thoughts as they tumble out. Another 12 hour shift in the ER. I love it as much as I did last week, if not more. It's challenging, and I'm learning something new every day. I am a "newbie". I may have been a nurse longer than some of the other nurses, but this is different world. I feel silly asking some of my questions, but I'd rather appear silly than be the one to make a fatal mistake. I've never hung IV fluids without a pump. What do you mean I can just let it hang and it'll infuse? I don't have to worry about the air? I don't say these out loud, but the other nurses understand where I'm coming from and are quick to answer my unspoken questions.
I like helping people, and making them feel better. I like watching the kids bounce down the hall, headed towards the Exit, feeling better now with whatever we did for them. My biggest fear is that I will become one of those jaded ER nurses that doesn't care...just going through the motions.
It seemed like there was a lot of tragedy in the ER today; people falling, coming in unresponsive, crying family members spilling into the halls, consoling each other. It's morbid, but each time I can't help but wonder, when is it my turn? Why haven't I lost anyone close to me? The only experience I really have with death of a loved one is my cat, when I was seven. Losing a parent, a spouse, or God forbid, a child...I can't really imagine. So I just make a mental note to myself to not take those simple moments for granted. Crochet in the backyard. Football games on Sundays. Poker games on holidays. You really never know when tragedy is around the corner.
I had a patient who came in, drunk and in pain. He tried marijuana, and alcohol, and finally four ibuprofen but that darned pain from his recent SDH and back injury just wasn't going away. He had just been discharged from us a few days ago, to the homeless shelter. He admitted he was an alcoholic, and his sadness saddened me. I never felt judgmental; I just wished that he would realize he does have the power to make better choices for himself, to get some help for the drinking, and that he does have the power to turn his life around. He was weighing on my mind so heavily tonight, and I realize that I'm sitting here drinking wine, thinking about this guy with an alcohol problem, and it's ironic.
Ten year class reunion is coming up. I dreamed about it last night. Kinda like going through graduation again, only not knowing hardly anyone. At the party afterwards, and there's gigantic pie slices that are too big to eat and huge machines falling from the sky, squashing people who don't watch out. I made it one of my New Year's resolutions to go, and as apprehensive as I am, I guess I'll go. I hate feeling like I never really fit in, but if Nate is willing to go with me, why not. The whole thing just makes me feel old.
I am proud of where I'm at with my life. I'm married to a good guy, who takes care of my son and loves me. I have a job that I'm excited to go to in the morning. I think I'm doing okay.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Changes
I did some research online, found a great website, and in my excitement shared it with his daycare. Now I see why that wasn't such a bright idea; I think I frustrated her. I received an email back that they were giving us 2 weeks' notice. Completely blindsided me; per the contract I had to sign with them there was a whole process before getting to this point, but maybe this is for the best. Maybe Dillon needs a smaller setting, with more supervision. Nate describes the daycare as "chaos" and sometimes I wonder if the kids are being watched as closely as they should be. Nate and I toured a different daycare a few weeks ago, so maybe we should have seen this coming. Either way, it's no one's fault and everybody's fault. It is what it is, and all those trite sayings.
I'm surprised at how much this upsets me. I tossed and turned last night, after watching the first half of Breakfast at Tiffany's, trying to think about other things besides that email that created such a mixed bag of emotions for me: relief that there was finally a decision made; sorrow because I appreciated them and Dillon really seemed to like Bear, fear that I'm doing something wrong with Dillon as a parent, and not knowing what the future holds for his daycare while Nate and I work, and hope because maybe this is a sign that we really don't need to be paying for full time daycare when we only need 6-8 hours a week. There's really nothing I can do but say a prayer to God to show us the way and then to let it go.
Getting ready for PALS tomorrow. I'm afraid I'll fail and they'll wonder if they made the right choice, hiring me for the ER. I've been studying ECGs (pretty much teaching myself each one) and reading the PALS book cover to cover. Of which I still have 100+ pages left to go...I'll do my best and go from there.
Friday, January 11, 2013
The Hardest Part
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. ~Erma Bombeck
“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.” ~Anne Frank
I knew couples who’d been married almost forever – forty, fifty, sixty years.
Seventy-two, in one case. They’d be tending each other’s illnesses, filling
in each other’s faulty memories, dealing with the money troubles or the
daughter’s suicide, or the grandson’s drug addiction. And I was beginning
to suspect that it made no difference whether they’d married the right person.
Finally, you’re just with who you’re with. You’ve signed on with her, put in a half
century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself or even better,
and she’s become the right person. Or the only person, might be more to the point.
I wish someone had told me that earlier. I’d have hung on then; I swear I would.”
Anne Tyler, "A Patchwork Planet"
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always
with the same person."
Mignon McLaughlin
I'm not advocating for loveless marriages. But it's also the case that marriage
doesn't make us happy every day. No marriage does, but your marriage serves
as so much more than just a vehicle for immediate individual adult needs. It makes
one world for your child, and children will tell you that means everything to them.
Elizabeth Marquardt, Between Two Worlds
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
Carl Sandburg
Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
Elizabeth Stone
“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.” ~Anne Frank
I knew couples who’d been married almost forever – forty, fifty, sixty years.
Seventy-two, in one case. They’d be tending each other’s illnesses, filling
in each other’s faulty memories, dealing with the money troubles or the
daughter’s suicide, or the grandson’s drug addiction. And I was beginning
to suspect that it made no difference whether they’d married the right person.
Finally, you’re just with who you’re with. You’ve signed on with her, put in a half
century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself or even better,
and she’s become the right person. Or the only person, might be more to the point.
I wish someone had told me that earlier. I’d have hung on then; I swear I would.”
Anne Tyler, "A Patchwork Planet"
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always
with the same person."
Mignon McLaughlin
I'm not advocating for loveless marriages. But it's also the case that marriage
doesn't make us happy every day. No marriage does, but your marriage serves
as so much more than just a vehicle for immediate individual adult needs. It makes
one world for your child, and children will tell you that means everything to them.
Elizabeth Marquardt, Between Two Worlds
A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
Carl Sandburg
Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
Elizabeth Stone
Long time gone...
It's been so long since I've posted. I don't even really journal any more since I've been with Nate like I used to when I had so much time alone. There's a liberation in knowing this blog is private, and I don't have to worry about what people might think. I'm itching to write, to let go of some of these pent up emotions that have been lurking inside for so long. I feel a little lost...but I also feel like I'm being called to look deeper into my spiritual side.
So much has changed. Bought a house, a dog, adopted two cats, started working in a sub-acute rehab as an MDS nurse, worked there for a year and a half, and one night I'm sitting at work, it's late and Sue is still there in the office with me, but I feel compelled to put in an application for the ER and for L&D. I sincerely doubted anything would happen with it since I've applied in the past, and I'm not even ACLS certified, but I did it and sent if off to HR.
The next day I have a missed call from HR. Of course my voicemail isn't working but I call HR back and they want an interview for the ER position. I'm ecstatic and in disbelief. I go to work and dread telling Marci and Gaye. I tell Marci first, and she looks at me and doesn't say much. I wait a few days and then sit down and tell Gaye. She tells me exactly what she thinks, one of the things I love most about her. "We finally got everything the way you wanted it and now you're leaving." I tell her how much I appreciate her and everything she's done for me and Dillon, and that it has nothing to do with her. I'm just not cut out to be a desk nurse, wearing out the seat of my scrubs. She looks at me and then says, "I understand completely" and then tells me she knows I'll get the position.
I'm in the interview, and they ask me questions, then ask how I deal with difficult doctors. I tell them about Dr. Grams, everything I've learned by working with her and basically sometimes I just have to have a thick skin and realize their temperament doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me.
I get the position, starting in Minor care (soft 3's, 4's, and 5's) and hopefully will be able to advance into the ER once I'm ready (which won't be for a while!). I started last Tuesday. Twelve hour shifts passed by quickly, and the more I work and study the more I realize how much I have to learn. I start two IVs effortlessly my second day, and then miss one on a 30-something dialysis patient in the main ER (floating with my preceptor to help them out while we were slow) and miss an AC lab draw. I watch the lab tech do it so effortlessly (pretty much made it look like he was sliding the needle into butter and got flash immediately). I follow him out of the room and tell him he just put me to shame (with a smile) and beg him to teach me his secrets. He smiles back and gives me some pointers.
My preceptor is young but amazing to work with and smart. She doesn't talk a whole lot about herself, but is fun to be around. After our final shift last night we walk out and she asks me what she could do more, what would help, etc. I told her I feel like she could yell more. She laughs and I like her that much more because she gets my sense of humor.
The nurse practitioners change and it's challenging to get their quirks down. They're both down to earth and willing to teach and I like that I can approach them without getting yelled at instantly.
The patients come in, the revolving door of the ER. Flu season is upon us, and we see a lot of pediatric patients. We have a little boy with a raging ear infection who seems to be older than his age (5 going on 25) and tells me he gets his flu shot every year. I give him ear drops and cotton balls and he looks at me and tells me, "You're a good nurse". This makes my week and I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be.
I float over to the ER with Chris for a bit and while I love the chaos and they're so incredibly busy and short and I'll be honest and admit I was overwhelmed, but not in a bad way. We help triage a pt brought in by ambulance who slipped and fell on the ice, now with a fractured ankle. I learn to always put on gloves when removing pants as she was incontinent. Gross...
We get drug seekers but no one really rude yet. Our providers really don't give out narcs for anything...just recommend Motrin and Tylenol. One 20-something fractured his clavicle in a snowboarding accident and he actually got a script for Lortab, but that was pretty much it.
I'm trying to get the charting system down, and getting there slowly. I realize I'll have to do things differently then my preceptor, and start using a blank piece of printer paper folded in fourths. Whenever I do anything, I put the time, room number, and pt initials, along with whatever I need to chart. Put in an order for x-ray, I write it down; give a med, I write it down. Then I highlight it when I chart it.
I've given so many IM Toradol and Phenergan shots. Still trying to figure out the dorsogluteal vs. ventrogluteal thing.
I experienced my first patient(s) that had media involved with their situations. They were fine, but reading the news on my iPhone local news app makes me realize sometimes the news blows things out of proportion.
I have a patient who is in a Fed Ex truck accident and treat him. Then I see his truck on my husband's Facebook. Friend of a friend. Only in Montana.
I go to sleep and I dream of work. I feel a little guilty, missing time with Nate and Dillon. As Nate puts it, we're passing each other in the sheets. I come home at 1am, he's up and gone by 6am. Dillon is talking more and more, and the animals continue to drive me up the wall. The dog is so hyper and stubborn (whose idea was it to get a lab puppy, seriously?).
Taking it one day at a time, looking forward to learning and growing. Trying to ignore the doubt that springs up in the back of my mind at times. The what ifs and fear of making a mistake and being a failure; of not being able to "cut it". One thing at a time.
So much has changed. Bought a house, a dog, adopted two cats, started working in a sub-acute rehab as an MDS nurse, worked there for a year and a half, and one night I'm sitting at work, it's late and Sue is still there in the office with me, but I feel compelled to put in an application for the ER and for L&D. I sincerely doubted anything would happen with it since I've applied in the past, and I'm not even ACLS certified, but I did it and sent if off to HR.
The next day I have a missed call from HR. Of course my voicemail isn't working but I call HR back and they want an interview for the ER position. I'm ecstatic and in disbelief. I go to work and dread telling Marci and Gaye. I tell Marci first, and she looks at me and doesn't say much. I wait a few days and then sit down and tell Gaye. She tells me exactly what she thinks, one of the things I love most about her. "We finally got everything the way you wanted it and now you're leaving." I tell her how much I appreciate her and everything she's done for me and Dillon, and that it has nothing to do with her. I'm just not cut out to be a desk nurse, wearing out the seat of my scrubs. She looks at me and then says, "I understand completely" and then tells me she knows I'll get the position.
I'm in the interview, and they ask me questions, then ask how I deal with difficult doctors. I tell them about Dr. Grams, everything I've learned by working with her and basically sometimes I just have to have a thick skin and realize their temperament doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me.
I get the position, starting in Minor care (soft 3's, 4's, and 5's) and hopefully will be able to advance into the ER once I'm ready (which won't be for a while!). I started last Tuesday. Twelve hour shifts passed by quickly, and the more I work and study the more I realize how much I have to learn. I start two IVs effortlessly my second day, and then miss one on a 30-something dialysis patient in the main ER (floating with my preceptor to help them out while we were slow) and miss an AC lab draw. I watch the lab tech do it so effortlessly (pretty much made it look like he was sliding the needle into butter and got flash immediately). I follow him out of the room and tell him he just put me to shame (with a smile) and beg him to teach me his secrets. He smiles back and gives me some pointers.
My preceptor is young but amazing to work with and smart. She doesn't talk a whole lot about herself, but is fun to be around. After our final shift last night we walk out and she asks me what she could do more, what would help, etc. I told her I feel like she could yell more. She laughs and I like her that much more because she gets my sense of humor.
The nurse practitioners change and it's challenging to get their quirks down. They're both down to earth and willing to teach and I like that I can approach them without getting yelled at instantly.
The patients come in, the revolving door of the ER. Flu season is upon us, and we see a lot of pediatric patients. We have a little boy with a raging ear infection who seems to be older than his age (5 going on 25) and tells me he gets his flu shot every year. I give him ear drops and cotton balls and he looks at me and tells me, "You're a good nurse". This makes my week and I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be.
I float over to the ER with Chris for a bit and while I love the chaos and they're so incredibly busy and short and I'll be honest and admit I was overwhelmed, but not in a bad way. We help triage a pt brought in by ambulance who slipped and fell on the ice, now with a fractured ankle. I learn to always put on gloves when removing pants as she was incontinent. Gross...
We get drug seekers but no one really rude yet. Our providers really don't give out narcs for anything...just recommend Motrin and Tylenol. One 20-something fractured his clavicle in a snowboarding accident and he actually got a script for Lortab, but that was pretty much it.
I'm trying to get the charting system down, and getting there slowly. I realize I'll have to do things differently then my preceptor, and start using a blank piece of printer paper folded in fourths. Whenever I do anything, I put the time, room number, and pt initials, along with whatever I need to chart. Put in an order for x-ray, I write it down; give a med, I write it down. Then I highlight it when I chart it.
I've given so many IM Toradol and Phenergan shots. Still trying to figure out the dorsogluteal vs. ventrogluteal thing.
I experienced my first patient(s) that had media involved with their situations. They were fine, but reading the news on my iPhone local news app makes me realize sometimes the news blows things out of proportion.
I have a patient who is in a Fed Ex truck accident and treat him. Then I see his truck on my husband's Facebook. Friend of a friend. Only in Montana.
I go to sleep and I dream of work. I feel a little guilty, missing time with Nate and Dillon. As Nate puts it, we're passing each other in the sheets. I come home at 1am, he's up and gone by 6am. Dillon is talking more and more, and the animals continue to drive me up the wall. The dog is so hyper and stubborn (whose idea was it to get a lab puppy, seriously?).
Taking it one day at a time, looking forward to learning and growing. Trying to ignore the doubt that springs up in the back of my mind at times. The what ifs and fear of making a mistake and being a failure; of not being able to "cut it". One thing at a time.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
ltc...the good, the bad, the ugly
I've been off work for the last week or so after my ear surgery, giving me a lot of time to think...I loved this job when I started it last August. I loved the residents, and still do. I knew from the beginning this wasn't what I wanted to do forever, and already made plans to go back to school in May for my RN.
What is it about LTC that makes it so difficult? The CNAs, as I mentioned before, don't like being told what to do. Completely understandable. They're overworked and underpaid. But when so and so needs to go to the bathroom and I'm treading water to keep up with my duties, I'm going to pass it on to the resident's CNA. What about co-workers? I've decided that I need to work on my Poker face, and to withhold my opinion on anything and everything. The night shift LPN couldn't get her suppositories done because she was too busy solving the residents' puzzle? I won't say a word. She knows her job. The treatment nurse couldn't get her treatments done? Fine. Let it go...I don't really care any more about staying late and making sure absolutely everything is done. I make sure my stuff is done, charted, give report, and swipe my badge. It actually got to the point where I realized that I'm starting to not even care anymore because I'm so fed up with it. I do care about the residents, and I will keep doing my best for them. But it's discouraging when others don't seem to care for them nearly as much. =(
I've said more than once that I would love to open up a Victorian bed-and-breakfast type of house, but instead of a bed-and-breakfast I would take care of 3-4 people, working with maybe one to two other nurses. I wouldn't have to trust the CNA who says they changed so and so, because I would do it myself. In a perfect world, maybe.
Right now my saving Grace is going back to school. I'm tired of the politics and the burnt out nurses and CNAs....
What is it about LTC that makes it so difficult? The CNAs, as I mentioned before, don't like being told what to do. Completely understandable. They're overworked and underpaid. But when so and so needs to go to the bathroom and I'm treading water to keep up with my duties, I'm going to pass it on to the resident's CNA. What about co-workers? I've decided that I need to work on my Poker face, and to withhold my opinion on anything and everything. The night shift LPN couldn't get her suppositories done because she was too busy solving the residents' puzzle? I won't say a word. She knows her job. The treatment nurse couldn't get her treatments done? Fine. Let it go...I don't really care any more about staying late and making sure absolutely everything is done. I make sure my stuff is done, charted, give report, and swipe my badge. It actually got to the point where I realized that I'm starting to not even care anymore because I'm so fed up with it. I do care about the residents, and I will keep doing my best for them. But it's discouraging when others don't seem to care for them nearly as much. =(
I've said more than once that I would love to open up a Victorian bed-and-breakfast type of house, but instead of a bed-and-breakfast I would take care of 3-4 people, working with maybe one to two other nurses. I wouldn't have to trust the CNA who says they changed so and so, because I would do it myself. In a perfect world, maybe.
Right now my saving Grace is going back to school. I'm tired of the politics and the burnt out nurses and CNAs....
Sunday, March 14, 2010
last 12 hour shift...thank God!
just finished my last 12 hour shift. what i was thinking when i agreed to work two 12's every other Saturday and Sunday, I don't know. I finally decided it wasn't worth it to me and told my boss I'd like straight 8 hour shifts. I like my family, and my boyfriend, and I'd like to see them once in a while.
i also got a letter in the mail, letting me know i got into the lpn to rn program, starting this may and finishing this december (only two semesters!). i'm excited, but nervous...back to school, bills to pay. but it'll be more than worth it once i'm done. i'm hoping to write more about it. i enjoy going back and reading what i wrote. going from full-time to registry is scary, but i know this is what i'm supposed to do. i just hope for everything to fall into place.
i'm a little frustrated with the CNAs at work. most of them, the vast majority, are great. i love them and appreciate how hard they work, and i try to thank them for doing such a thankless, emotionally and physically challenging job. i try to get in there with them and help them with the residents. there is more to nursing than passing pills, thank God.
but then there's the few that frustrate me to no end. i floated to the Alzheimer's unit for the last four hours of my shift yesterday and today. no big deal...it's a change of pace. after i left yesterday, a resident was fighting with another resident. i get this in report and read the nurses' note. i go on throughout my shift, and as i'm passing my 1800 dinner meds, i look up to see the CNA put these two residents right next to each other. in my mind, i'm thinking, "this is just asking for another incident..." so i ask her to please move one away from the other. she looks at me and says, "he's fine." seriously? so i look at her and tell her i can see that, but i'd rather he not sit next to this resident. she continues to insist that she was here for the incident and that he truly is fine where he is. finally she moves him away from the resident. i thanked her and continue with the med pass.
after dinner, i asked if i could talk to her one on one and explain my rationale for not having these two next to each other. her response? "they don't remember anything." i'm trying to be professional, but inside i'm getting mad. she goes on to say, "so we should care plan that these two can never be next to each other?". i told her that she is more than welcome to give me suggestions, but when i ask her to do something, she needs to do it. end of story. i didn't ask her to do anything that would put anyone in harm, or would risk her certification. i made a decision based on my thinking.
on the other hand, i was the float over to that unit. she has worked over there for 2 years. apparently the nurses that work over there let the CNAs run the show and hang out in the computer room away from all the action. so this CNA resented being told what to do. (all of this was explained to me by the NOC LPN who relieved me). I completely understand all this, and am glad she is taking ownership over her job. but part of my job is making sure the residents are taken care of and safe, as well as overseeing the CNAs.
i don't care that she's upset with me. i understand that's not the way it's usually done, and maybe i should just put in my four hours and keep my mouth shut and spoon their pills in and go hide in the computer room like a meek little nurse would do.
i might look i'm easily intimdated, but i'm not. especially when i'm mad. there's a reason my dad's nicknames for me growing up were either "princess" or "mouth" depending on the situation.
maybe i'm picking the wrong battles. maybe i should just keep my mouth shut and let it be. laissez-faire. but at the end of the shift, the resident was eating peacefully by the window, and there were no incidents.
i also got a letter in the mail, letting me know i got into the lpn to rn program, starting this may and finishing this december (only two semesters!). i'm excited, but nervous...back to school, bills to pay. but it'll be more than worth it once i'm done. i'm hoping to write more about it. i enjoy going back and reading what i wrote. going from full-time to registry is scary, but i know this is what i'm supposed to do. i just hope for everything to fall into place.
i'm a little frustrated with the CNAs at work. most of them, the vast majority, are great. i love them and appreciate how hard they work, and i try to thank them for doing such a thankless, emotionally and physically challenging job. i try to get in there with them and help them with the residents. there is more to nursing than passing pills, thank God.
but then there's the few that frustrate me to no end. i floated to the Alzheimer's unit for the last four hours of my shift yesterday and today. no big deal...it's a change of pace. after i left yesterday, a resident was fighting with another resident. i get this in report and read the nurses' note. i go on throughout my shift, and as i'm passing my 1800 dinner meds, i look up to see the CNA put these two residents right next to each other. in my mind, i'm thinking, "this is just asking for another incident..." so i ask her to please move one away from the other. she looks at me and says, "he's fine." seriously? so i look at her and tell her i can see that, but i'd rather he not sit next to this resident. she continues to insist that she was here for the incident and that he truly is fine where he is. finally she moves him away from the resident. i thanked her and continue with the med pass.
after dinner, i asked if i could talk to her one on one and explain my rationale for not having these two next to each other. her response? "they don't remember anything." i'm trying to be professional, but inside i'm getting mad. she goes on to say, "so we should care plan that these two can never be next to each other?". i told her that she is more than welcome to give me suggestions, but when i ask her to do something, she needs to do it. end of story. i didn't ask her to do anything that would put anyone in harm, or would risk her certification. i made a decision based on my thinking.
on the other hand, i was the float over to that unit. she has worked over there for 2 years. apparently the nurses that work over there let the CNAs run the show and hang out in the computer room away from all the action. so this CNA resented being told what to do. (all of this was explained to me by the NOC LPN who relieved me). I completely understand all this, and am glad she is taking ownership over her job. but part of my job is making sure the residents are taken care of and safe, as well as overseeing the CNAs.
i don't care that she's upset with me. i understand that's not the way it's usually done, and maybe i should just put in my four hours and keep my mouth shut and spoon their pills in and go hide in the computer room like a meek little nurse would do.
i might look i'm easily intimdated, but i'm not. especially when i'm mad. there's a reason my dad's nicknames for me growing up were either "princess" or "mouth" depending on the situation.
maybe i'm picking the wrong battles. maybe i should just keep my mouth shut and let it be. laissez-faire. but at the end of the shift, the resident was eating peacefully by the window, and there were no incidents.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
back again...
I stopped writing after spring semester, for whatever reason. Nursing Leadership and IV therapy came next, and then i was done. Much thanks to Doughboy for letting me practice IVs on him!! (especially for pretending he had Tourette's...nice). Graduating was surreal. Just because of everything that had happened in my personal life, it felt like a chapter being closed, and I was more than ready to move on. Somehow, looking back now I remember nursing school with fondness, and the only thing I would change now if I could would be to enjoy it more as I was learning. And I ran into one of my teachers yesterday, and thanked her. She taught Maternal-Child Nursing, a class that made me uncomfortable from the beginning. I've never dreaded going to class like I did that one. The idea of having children made me so uncomfortable...and then I realized it wasn't the idea of having children itself, but having children with the person I was with. So I made some changes, said my good-byes, and let him go. I hope he finds someone whom he can have an amazing relationship with, and I wish him nothing but the best. It just wasn't meant to be. So I ran into my teacher, and I thanked her as I explained to her that it was never her, or her class, that made me so disinterested. I guess I learned a lot more in nursing school than I bargained for...
So now I'm working as an LPN in a long-term care facility. At first it was the last thing I wanted to do after graduating, but with the recession, full-time jobs weren't plentiful as an LPN. And the way everything worked out...to me I knew it was where I was supposed to be for the moment.
I'm learning everyday just how much I don't know. Every time I start to think, "Hey, maybe I'm getting it..." something happens to make me realize just how much I have to learn. I've actually wanted to call my LPN instructor and ask her if I could just repeat those classes again...maybe then I'll feel like I'm more competent. But instead I ask questions. About everything. I remember Lindy, an Ortho nurse..."when in doubt, scream and shout." And I realized there are a handful of nurses I can go to who will point me in the right direction. Yes, some eat their own, but I decided to live and learn and just ignore their rudeness and try to learn from what they're nitpicking about.
I love the residents. Even when I'm in the worst mood, I could never be upset with them. They yell sometimes, spit their pills out all over me, but it's okay. And it's the crazy ones I love the most. The resident who asks me to put a blanket on her daughter, pointing at an empty chair. The resident who yells at me because now I'm her niece and I'm not dressed to take her to Mass. The resident who makes faces at me while I'm trying to chart on the computer. The resident who tells me the dirtiest jokes I've ever heard with a dead-pan expression (jokes so horrible they even gross my brothers out...). It's not about the money, because before I thought I'd be rich after I graduated. Not so much... It's not about self-gratification, because sometimes I go home and feel like I didn't do enough. It's simply about them.
I wasn't planning on blogging anymore. But lately I've had trouble leaving work at work, thinking about work while I'm trying to fall asleep, waking up, thinking about what I should do for the upcoming day. So maybe if I just write it down, I can leave it where it's supposed to be.
Today wasn't a bad day. It was just so hectic. Thank God another nurse was orienting with me, so she could focus on passing meds and I could try to keep up with everything. We suspected one resident had an URI (green, pasty/sticky phlegm coming up every 30 seconds, low-grade temp...). I called the MD yesterday, he ordered antibiotics. Trouble is, this resident refused to take anything by mouth, food, water, and especially meds. (When I speak of residents spitting their meds all over me, she comes to mind). We check her blood sugar (noting she hasn't eaten in several days) and at first it's too high for the glucometer to read. Which means it's over 600. (Normal is between 70 and 120/130). I repeat the reading, and it's 599. Yikes. Time to call her doctor. He orders blood work...so I draw the blood, send it down, and once we get it back, realize her white blood cell count is pretty high. I faxed that to the doctor, and his nurse calls back, tells us this resident just bought an all-expense paid trip to the hospital. She just came back three weeks ago, after getting pumped full of antibiotics for a suspected UTI, and looked great for a while. Hopefully she'll feel better soon...
Another resident complained of leg pain. I rub Arnica gel on her muscles with no relief. I give her her PRN Percocet, and an hour later, the CNA comes to find me, telling me the resident isn't responding. Not something you want to hear from a CNA about a resident. I go over to her, and see that her eyes are open, but her pupils aren't following anything. The expression "The lights are on, but nobody's home?" I never saw someone who fit that expression as well as she did. I check her blood sugar. Nothing unusual. I check her oxygen saturation and other vitals. Fine. The LPN who's orienting today brought her dachshund. And this lady loves dogs. So I put the dog on her lap. Slowly, she lifts her hand up and pets the dog and smiles. She's fine, but to describe it, this resident looks stoned. I left a note for the doctor, wondering if she needs something less potent. The doctor takes her off her Zyprexa instead, so we'll see how she is the next couple of days (by the way, the resident who asked me to cover her daughter with a blanket...this was her).
I didn't realize how much responsibility this job is until lately. I hate making mistakes. I catch so many little mistakes, and sometimes it's just highlighting the MAR to point out that hey, this person gets 40mg of Lasix at 8am, and 80mg at noon, so that the right blister gets pulled and used. And I make mistakes, too. I hate making mistakes, but I learn my lesson so well from them. A resident on Coumadin got orders to re-draw his PT/INR on a date. I chart it in Meditech, put it in the MAR, and forgot to order the lab to be drawn by the lab. So the PT/INR goes undrawn for over a week. But now you can bet the first thing I do is put that PT/INR lab order in. I don't want to be that nurse that insists on running to the boss and showing every little mistake so and so made. I will if there is a genuine, obvious med error. The day I found out about the PT/INR mistake? I realized the evening nurse prior to me forgot to give two different residents their pain pills. I did let my boss know, and she told me that nurse wasn't comfortable working that unit, and was actually the nurse who oriented with me today to get to know the people better. Everyone makes mistakes...including me. We're only human. It's just how we can prevent them in the future. I would love to have a stamp to use on new doctor's orders. Faxed to Rx? Check. MAR changed? Check. DC'ed blisters pulled from med cart? Check. Nurses' note in Meditech? Check. New labs entered in Meditech? Check. New labs on calendar? Check. But for now, it is what it is. Until I can convince my boss that we really do need that stamp so things don't get lost in the process.
I applied for school, to get my LPN to RN. I think I missed the deadline by a few weeks, so I don't know if I can get in. But I think now would be better for me to get my RN, before I get married again, and have kids. I actually met someone who I can't wait to have kids with. And I can't believe the difference...But everything happens for a reason, and if I get in, I'll be happy. If not, I'll continue to work, gaining my experience, and try again next year.
So now I'm working as an LPN in a long-term care facility. At first it was the last thing I wanted to do after graduating, but with the recession, full-time jobs weren't plentiful as an LPN. And the way everything worked out...to me I knew it was where I was supposed to be for the moment.
I'm learning everyday just how much I don't know. Every time I start to think, "Hey, maybe I'm getting it..." something happens to make me realize just how much I have to learn. I've actually wanted to call my LPN instructor and ask her if I could just repeat those classes again...maybe then I'll feel like I'm more competent. But instead I ask questions. About everything. I remember Lindy, an Ortho nurse..."when in doubt, scream and shout." And I realized there are a handful of nurses I can go to who will point me in the right direction. Yes, some eat their own, but I decided to live and learn and just ignore their rudeness and try to learn from what they're nitpicking about.
I love the residents. Even when I'm in the worst mood, I could never be upset with them. They yell sometimes, spit their pills out all over me, but it's okay. And it's the crazy ones I love the most. The resident who asks me to put a blanket on her daughter, pointing at an empty chair. The resident who yells at me because now I'm her niece and I'm not dressed to take her to Mass. The resident who makes faces at me while I'm trying to chart on the computer. The resident who tells me the dirtiest jokes I've ever heard with a dead-pan expression (jokes so horrible they even gross my brothers out...). It's not about the money, because before I thought I'd be rich after I graduated. Not so much... It's not about self-gratification, because sometimes I go home and feel like I didn't do enough. It's simply about them.
I wasn't planning on blogging anymore. But lately I've had trouble leaving work at work, thinking about work while I'm trying to fall asleep, waking up, thinking about what I should do for the upcoming day. So maybe if I just write it down, I can leave it where it's supposed to be.
Today wasn't a bad day. It was just so hectic. Thank God another nurse was orienting with me, so she could focus on passing meds and I could try to keep up with everything. We suspected one resident had an URI (green, pasty/sticky phlegm coming up every 30 seconds, low-grade temp...). I called the MD yesterday, he ordered antibiotics. Trouble is, this resident refused to take anything by mouth, food, water, and especially meds. (When I speak of residents spitting their meds all over me, she comes to mind). We check her blood sugar (noting she hasn't eaten in several days) and at first it's too high for the glucometer to read. Which means it's over 600. (Normal is between 70 and 120/130). I repeat the reading, and it's 599. Yikes. Time to call her doctor. He orders blood work...so I draw the blood, send it down, and once we get it back, realize her white blood cell count is pretty high. I faxed that to the doctor, and his nurse calls back, tells us this resident just bought an all-expense paid trip to the hospital. She just came back three weeks ago, after getting pumped full of antibiotics for a suspected UTI, and looked great for a while. Hopefully she'll feel better soon...
Another resident complained of leg pain. I rub Arnica gel on her muscles with no relief. I give her her PRN Percocet, and an hour later, the CNA comes to find me, telling me the resident isn't responding. Not something you want to hear from a CNA about a resident. I go over to her, and see that her eyes are open, but her pupils aren't following anything. The expression "The lights are on, but nobody's home?" I never saw someone who fit that expression as well as she did. I check her blood sugar. Nothing unusual. I check her oxygen saturation and other vitals. Fine. The LPN who's orienting today brought her dachshund. And this lady loves dogs. So I put the dog on her lap. Slowly, she lifts her hand up and pets the dog and smiles. She's fine, but to describe it, this resident looks stoned. I left a note for the doctor, wondering if she needs something less potent. The doctor takes her off her Zyprexa instead, so we'll see how she is the next couple of days (by the way, the resident who asked me to cover her daughter with a blanket...this was her).
I didn't realize how much responsibility this job is until lately. I hate making mistakes. I catch so many little mistakes, and sometimes it's just highlighting the MAR to point out that hey, this person gets 40mg of Lasix at 8am, and 80mg at noon, so that the right blister gets pulled and used. And I make mistakes, too. I hate making mistakes, but I learn my lesson so well from them. A resident on Coumadin got orders to re-draw his PT/INR on a date. I chart it in Meditech, put it in the MAR, and forgot to order the lab to be drawn by the lab. So the PT/INR goes undrawn for over a week. But now you can bet the first thing I do is put that PT/INR lab order in. I don't want to be that nurse that insists on running to the boss and showing every little mistake so and so made. I will if there is a genuine, obvious med error. The day I found out about the PT/INR mistake? I realized the evening nurse prior to me forgot to give two different residents their pain pills. I did let my boss know, and she told me that nurse wasn't comfortable working that unit, and was actually the nurse who oriented with me today to get to know the people better. Everyone makes mistakes...including me. We're only human. It's just how we can prevent them in the future. I would love to have a stamp to use on new doctor's orders. Faxed to Rx? Check. MAR changed? Check. DC'ed blisters pulled from med cart? Check. Nurses' note in Meditech? Check. New labs entered in Meditech? Check. New labs on calendar? Check. But for now, it is what it is. Until I can convince my boss that we really do need that stamp so things don't get lost in the process.
I applied for school, to get my LPN to RN. I think I missed the deadline by a few weeks, so I don't know if I can get in. But I think now would be better for me to get my RN, before I get married again, and have kids. I actually met someone who I can't wait to have kids with. And I can't believe the difference...But everything happens for a reason, and if I get in, I'll be happy. If not, I'll continue to work, gaining my experience, and try again next year.
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