Long time gone...

It's been so long since I've posted. I don't even really journal any more since I've been with Nate like I used to when I had so much time alone. There's a liberation in knowing this blog is private, and I don't have to worry about what people might think. I'm itching to write, to let go of some of these pent up emotions that have been lurking inside for so long. I feel a little lost...but I also feel like I'm being called to look deeper into my spiritual side.

So much has changed. Bought a house, a dog, adopted two cats, started working in a sub-acute rehab as an MDS nurse, worked there for a year and a half, and one night I'm sitting at work, it's late and Sue is still there in the office with me, but I feel compelled to put in an application for the ER and for L&D. I sincerely doubted anything would happen with it since I've applied in the past, and I'm not even ACLS certified, but I did it and sent if off to HR.

The next day I have a missed call from HR. Of course my voicemail isn't working but I call HR back and they want an interview for the ER position. I'm ecstatic and in disbelief. I go to work and dread telling Marci and Gaye. I tell Marci first, and she looks at me and doesn't say much. I wait a few days and then sit down and tell Gaye. She tells me exactly what she thinks, one of the things I love most about her. "We finally got everything the way you wanted it and now you're leaving." I tell her how much I appreciate her and everything she's done for me and Dillon, and that it has nothing to do with her. I'm just not cut out to be a desk nurse, wearing out the seat of my scrubs. She looks at me and then says, "I understand completely" and then tells me she knows I'll get the position.

I'm in the interview, and they ask me questions, then ask how I deal with difficult doctors. I tell them about Dr. Grams, everything I've learned by working with her and basically sometimes I just have to have a thick skin and realize their temperament doesn't necessarily have anything to do with me.

I get the position, starting in Minor care (soft 3's, 4's, and 5's) and hopefully will be able to advance into the ER once I'm ready (which won't be for a while!). I started last Tuesday. Twelve hour shifts passed by quickly, and the more I work and study the more I realize how much I have to learn. I start two IVs effortlessly my second day, and then miss one on a 30-something dialysis patient in the main ER (floating with my preceptor to help them out while we were slow) and miss an AC lab draw. I watch the lab tech do it so effortlessly (pretty much made it look like he was sliding the needle into butter and got flash immediately). I follow him out of the room and tell him he just put me to shame (with a smile) and beg him to teach me his secrets. He smiles back and gives me some pointers.

My preceptor is young but amazing to work with and smart. She doesn't talk a whole lot about herself, but is fun to be around. After our final shift last night we walk out and she asks me what she could do more, what would help, etc. I told her I feel like she could yell more. She laughs and I like her that much more because she gets my sense of humor.

The nurse practitioners change and it's challenging to get their quirks down. They're both down to earth and willing to teach and I like that I can approach them without getting yelled at instantly.

The patients come in, the revolving door of the ER. Flu season is upon us, and we see a lot of pediatric patients. We have a little boy with a raging ear infection who seems to be older than his age (5 going on 25) and tells me he gets his flu shot every year. I give him ear drops and cotton balls and he looks at me and tells me, "You're a good nurse". This makes my week and I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be.

I float over to the ER with Chris for a bit and while I love the chaos and they're so incredibly busy and short and I'll be honest and admit I was overwhelmed, but not in a bad way. We help triage a pt brought in by ambulance who slipped and fell on the ice, now with a fractured ankle. I learn to always put on gloves when removing pants as she was incontinent. Gross...

We get drug seekers but no one really rude yet. Our providers really don't give out narcs for anything...just recommend Motrin and Tylenol. One 20-something fractured his clavicle in a snowboarding accident and he actually got a script for Lortab, but that was pretty much it.

I'm trying to get the charting system down, and getting there slowly. I realize I'll have to do things differently then my preceptor, and start using a blank piece of printer paper folded in fourths. Whenever I do anything, I put the time, room number, and pt initials, along with whatever I need to chart. Put in an order for x-ray, I write it down; give a med, I write it down. Then I highlight it when I chart it.

I've given so many IM Toradol and Phenergan shots. Still trying to figure out the dorsogluteal vs. ventrogluteal thing.

I experienced my first patient(s) that had media involved with their situations. They were fine, but reading the news on my iPhone local news app makes me realize sometimes the news blows things out of proportion.

I have a patient who is in a Fed Ex truck accident and treat him. Then I see his truck on my husband's Facebook. Friend of a friend. Only in Montana.

I go to sleep and I dream of work. I feel a little guilty, missing time with Nate and Dillon. As Nate puts it, we're passing each other in the sheets. I come home at 1am, he's up and gone by 6am. Dillon is talking more and more, and the animals continue to drive me up the wall. The dog is so hyper and stubborn (whose idea was it to get a lab puppy, seriously?).

Taking it one day at a time, looking forward to learning and growing. Trying to ignore the doubt that springs up in the back of my mind at times. The what ifs and fear of making a mistake and being a failure; of not being able to "cut it". One thing at a time.