Remember

I remember Delores, and Chris, and why it didn't work out. I remember the max setting for a pediatric IV infusion is 100 cc/hour. I remember until I don't sleep, and it's 4 in the morning, and I'm sitting in the living room, in the dark, about to have a cup of coffee, and there's a tear threatening to leak. I'm slightly hungover from my Presidente Margarita and glass of wine last night, and I'm dreading today and tomorrow. It's only appropriate her funeral would be Easter weekend. Easter was always her holiday. The spread of food laid out in her garage, the games of Poker that would follow. I'm not sure why I thought that would ever end. I want to know what will happen to her house. Just another house in Shelby that will become a symbol of "remember when" like Grandma Norma's and our old house on 10th Ave. Will our poker games be the same? I don't know how they can be. Will Grandma be okay? I'm so afraid of her losing her will, and giving up. I'm not sure I can stand losing her. Delores is the herald sign; we're not all going to be around forever...things don't stay the same. The petty squabbling and minor grievances aren't worth it. Delores was the first one to forgive, the first one there when someone needed help. Holiday get togethers just won't be the same without her. I'm going to miss her smile. Good-bye Delores...thank you for being such a wonderful woman. 

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

Lessons Learned Vicariously

I've learned so ridiculously much since I've started in the ER. Lessons learned vicariously through the poor patients who are enduring them first hand. Some are their own faults, others is just bad luck, karma, whatever.

Most mind blowing moment this week? Getting ready to start an IV on a grandpa type patient and having him roll up his sleeve and point to his right AC and tell me, "I used this one to shoot up Friday...seems like a good one". Yes, he was talking about meth. I would walk past this man in Walmart 50 times and never suspect he was shooting up meth.

Most disgusting moment this week...tonight. Had a man on oxygen via nasal cannula try to smoke a doobie and ended up lighting his nose, upper lip, and beard on fire. Nothing like soaking eschar and slough (black and yellow dead skin) with saline and then trying to scrape it off with a toothbrush and Q-tips. At least the poor man didn't complain. Just said he'd never smoke again. At least not with oxygen on. Good thing. Lucky he's still with us.

I will never approach a wild animal. Rabies prophylaxis is not fun. Say you get bit on the hand. You get to have this thick immunoglobulin injected just beneath your skin all around the bite site, then the rest injected into a muscle. Then you get the actual vaccine injected into your arm. And THEN you get to come back every few days for more shots. Just stay away from the damn animals. Don't break up the cat fights. Leave the feral animal in heat alone. Ugh.

I'm loving this job as an ER nurse. It makes me feel like I'm doing something, actually making a difference instead of plucking away at a computer, filling in assessments for Uncle Sam to know how much Medicare $$ to throw our way and watching my nursing education slowly slip away from me until I don't even know how to start an IV anymore.

Montana is such a small state. Having patients, then finding out they are so and so's boss, and my heart aches because their prognosis isn't all that great, and just saying a prayer that everything turns out okay.

I see patients come in, Dillon's age, with things that could so easily happen to Dillon. Standing up in a grocery cart and falling to the floor, fracturing his skull. Getting into some medicine/chemical/Pine-sol. It makes me a little more careful when it comes to some things...

I can't believe how big a difference it makes when I'm happy in my job. I come home, and I'm happy. I spend time with Nate and Dillon, and I'm happy. I look forward to going to work. It's insanely busy at times, and overwhelming, and stressful, but in the midst of chaos, I know I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.